How Sleipnir Happened (Complete With Distracting Gifs)
Because I’m seeing a ton of posts going around our favorite eight-legged Norse equine but they never seem to go any further than “so there was that one time Loki fucked a horse.” So with the aid of my trusty old Illustrated Book of Myths and some inspiration from Myths Retold, here’s the complete story to aid the curious:
One day in Asgard, everyone realized that they were rather open to any random jackass strolling in and wrecking their shit.
So there were like “hey let’s get a huge wall built around the whole place!”
And then a builder comes out of nowhere and is like “I can build you a huge wall!”
So the people of Asgard are like “oh sweet. What’s your price?”
And the builder is like “give me the goddess Freyja (because it seems like everyone in Norse mythology wants to tap that.) Oh, and also the sun and the moon.”
And everyone in Asgard is like
But then Loki just strolls to the front and is like “look dude, if you can get this wall built in six months, you’ve got a deal.”
So the builder is like “awwwww yeah.”
And everyone in Asgard is like “oh my god Loki the fuck are you doing.”
And Loki is like “guys, chill. There’s no way he’ll get the wall done in six months and then we won’t have to pay him.”
Cut to five months later. The builder is right on schedule and is almost done with the wall.
And naturally everyone is Asgard is like “Loki what did you get us into this time.”
So Loki is like “OKAY FINE GEEZ I’LL FIX IT.”
And he has an idea:
The builder can’t get any work done without his horse.
So Loki turns himself into a beautiful white mare (as you do) and lures the builder’s horse off into the wild yonder.
The next morning the builder gets up and is like “OH SHIT WHERE’S MY HORSE”
And in his distracted rage he turns out to be a frost giant in disguise.
So Thor is like “bitch please, I got this.”
And whacks the dude on the head with Mjolnir.
Then some time passes.
Eventually Loki comes back to Asgard
But he’s got this eight-legged horse with him.
And Odin is like “oh my fuck what is that.”
And Loki is like “ah. This is
my firstborn childSleipnir. You can have him if you want.”
So Odin is like “sweet deal.”
And they all lived happily ever after.